BAKER'S DOZEN

Books Giveaway 2012

2012-01-23T09:55:00.007-05:00

Rules for Books Giveaway 2012 are very simple:
1. Email me your FULL MAILING ADDRESS WITH PIN CODES at plumpernickel at gmail dot com and the books you have requested.
2. You must be located in India.
3. Preference WILL be given to people I know in real life.
4. This is not meant for lending libraries, so please do not send any such requests.
5. I will be striking off the books already given away.
6. Please restrict your requests to 4 books and not more. If you request more, only the first 4 books on your request will be sent to you.
7. Your requested books will be mailed to you by courier/ speed post within 7-10 days. It is polite to acknowledge receipt.
8. Enjoy reading!

So, now since that is out of the way, here goes.......
1. The White Tiger - Aravind Adiga
2. Confessions of a Serial Dieter - Kalli Purie
3.The Cat Who Played Brahms - Lilian Jackson Braun
4. The Cat Who Saw Red - Lilian Jackson Braun
5. The Cat Who Saw Cheese - Lilian Jackson Braun
6. The Cat Who Moved a Mountain - Lilian Jackson Braun
7. The Cat Who Went Bananas - Lilian Jackson Braun
8. The Cat Who Ate Danish Modern - Lilian Jackson Braun
9. The Cat Who Talked Turkey - Lilian Jackson Braun
10. The Cat Who Talked to Ghosts - Lilian Jackson Braun
11. The Cat Who Played Post Office - Lilian Jackson Braun
12. The Cat Who Came to Breakfast - Lilian Jackson Braun
13. The Cat Who Robbed a Bank - Lilian Jackson Braun
14. Qwilleran's Short And Tall Tales - Lilian Jackson Braun
15. My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me - Hilary Winston
16. The Family Arsenal - Paul Theroux
17. The Litigators - John Grisham
18. Blue Eyed Boy - Joanne Harris
19. Mini Shopaholic - Sophie Kinsella
20. How To Be A Woman - Caitlin Moran
21. Cooking Dirty - Jason Sheehan
22. Committed - Elizabeth Gilbert
23. Dreams of Joy - Lisa See
24. Above Average - Amitabha Bagchi
25. Two Fates - Judy Balan
26. Playing With Grown-ups - Sophie Dahl
27. Diary of A Hapless Househusband - Sam Holden
28. Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother - Amy Chua
29. Letters to eBay (Hilarious Auctions, Crazy Emails and Bongos for Grandma) - Art Farkas
30. Never Let me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro

Nani Arranges Mother Goose Ensembles At Local Kirtan Mandli

2011-12-10T14:20:00.001-05:00

Like a lot of people my age, my parents too packed us off to my maternal grandparents' for our summer vacations. We resented it, because while my classmates had photos of Goa or Bombay or Shimla or 'Whichever US Univ Dad was teaching at', we, 8 times out of 10 were visiting the boondocks (interior Awadh) and had no exotic tales (or so we thought) to relate.

Nani (maternal grandmother) awaited our summer vacations 10 times more eagerly than we did. We were Nani's little showpieces, with multilingual skills (Hindi, Bengali, English and a smattering of German heavily embellished when we faltered), musical abilities (Ha!), dancing talent and various other skills that Nani couldnt wait to show off.

Nani would announce months in advance, our royal arrivals and departures. Every single day, some rural lady would come to gawk and mark attendance in Nani's Court, at us little precocious princelings and princesslings.

This royal appearance would consist of us being first scrubbed from head to toe, being dressed in frocks/ skirts/ dresses or pants/ jumpers (Indian clothes did not hold much favour with Nani who thought them ganwaar and old fashioned), having our hair brushed till it shone (I always suffered because I had hair below my waist and the agony of having it brushed and plaited into neat braids, I will never forget), and putting on socks and shoes in the hottest months of UP. Then after we were suitably attired and checked by martinet Nani, we would be made to sit side by side in Nani's receiving rooms. Only then would the rural (and sometimes not rural) guest be allowed to feast their eyes on us. Our praises would be sung to high heavens. Our beauty would be compared to Lakshmi, Saraswati and Durga depending on the mood and our virtues would be extolled to no end.

Then hot tea or Brahmi Sherbet (I will not care to explain this, for fear that I will start howling and wailing without stopping) or Bael Sherbet or Phalsa Sherbet or Aam Panna or Shikanji or some similar tasty drink would be served with hot pakodas or matthris (Like only women in my family are capable of making and I do not exaggerate when I say this) or some hot snack and ladoos, kachri (rice flour wafers), different kinds of papads, sev, biscuits, halwa and the fruits of the season (more often than not, dassehri or langdas from our orchards) would be served. If the visitor had strained circumstances, a big fat pack of food was prepared to take home. After the heavy nashta, cold water from our wells would be served (I am not maudlin when I say this, but I have never drunk tastier water than the water from our wells and tube wells. Was it the ghaghra -Sarayu river- or what, I dont know). After cold water was gulped down in 1 litre big brass tumblers, it was a signal to the guest that it was time to bid a fond farewell and Nani would start relating what a busy person she was. The guest would then stuff money in our hands (ranging from 2 Rupees to 100-500 Rupees, depending on the socio-economic background) and we would get Nani's signals to touch the guests feet regardless of social stature. The guest would then comment on how well- brought-up we were and depart.

Once a week, Nani would assemble a kirtan mandli, consisting of all the ladies in the village, who would assemble and sing kirtans (hymns) very very tunelessly. Nani had also included folk songs which she would improvise according to the situation. This was also Nani's way of gathering info about the goings-on in the village and was the perfect way of her getting the opportunity to poke her nose in business that most certainly wasnt hers. During our vacations, she would drag us to her kirtan groups and her mandate was that we perform at the events. The performance had to be new and unique and preferably should not be repeated. I, my siblings and my cousin sisters would rack our brains and come up with stuff. So, the good ladies of Ganeshpur were exposed to cultural oddities such as Mother Goose's Bobby Shaftoe, Cobbler Cobbler, The Crooked Sixpence, For Want of a Nail, Little Tom Tucker etc. and also stuff like 500 Miles, O Captain My Captain, Daffodils, Ave Maria, Rabindrasangeet and Nazrul giti, all the chota khayals I sang horribly, I have a dream, Fernando, Brown Girl in the Ring and my sister and my odissi and kathak awful awful recitations. My odissi recital (it was way beyond awful, was a dashavtar piece that I was forced into at school - difference was I did all the parts at Nani's) proved to be the crowd stealer and was mentioned for many years to come. I still chuckle at the memories and how Nani would force junta to form an audience to appreciate her gifted, talented granddaughters and grandsons.

Once we reached our teens, we rebelled and refused to perform. That was the end. Had I known or realised the powerful love behind Nani's orders, I would have danced till my feet dropped off, whenever she wanted me too and sung till I lost my voice. I now know what an amazing powerful force my Nani was and I hope I have even a tenth of the lifeforce she had, and a fraction of the strength she showed till the last breath she took.

What We Did Wrong

2011-09-17T15:46:00.003-04:00

Ran away when there was no need. And we now live to regret it, every single passing second.

I Think This Time We Shall Escape

2011-09-13T16:55:00.002-04:00

Was that the thunder that I heard?
My head is vibrating,
I feel a sharp pain
Come sit by me, don’t say a word
Oh, can it be that I am slain?
Quick, Magdalena, take my gun
Look up in the hills, that flash of light
Aim well my little one
We may not make it through the night

This beyond everything is what I fear and cannot control. Everything else, is well under control. I feel this strongly with every passing day. Time truly does not wait. You know, my gut feelings are always right, and no, I am not being over dramatic again.

All I feel Is Heat And Flame And All I See Are Dark Eyes

2011-09-13T16:45:00.003-04:00

Its not as if I couldn't, it is just that I don't wish to. I could go to bed early, but it is just so difficult without you.

Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of Hearts

2011-09-13T16:32:00.003-04:00

So, I asked for flowers and I got flowers. So many flowers, I can't complain, people dont do what I ask them to do. One gigantic bouquet mystified me. A giant, ginormous, life size bouquet of rajnigandhas from lil brother. So, I thanked him for the rajnigandhas and he asked me puzzled, "rajnigandhas?!" Ah brother, how well I know thee! I asked him if he knew that on online sites, rajnigandhas are often labelled as "tubeROSES". Brother said, "Argh! How was I supposed to know?"
Brother dear, had you not thrown a fit ALL those years when your botany/ biology practicals and projects were due, to blackmail me into doing your schoolwork, you would have KNOWN!

A Day In The Life

2011-09-08T13:37:00.010-04:00

One day I am going to record the sounds that start and end my day. Beginning with sometimes birds twittering in the tree next to my bedroom window. The sounds of a radio being tuned by the dhobi who's positioned himself next to our building. People jostling near the water hydrant. The swish-swish of my maid doing a quick sweep and mop. The gentle whizz of the juicer. The sounds of breakfast being cooked. The rustling of the newspaper. The pitter-patter of the shower. The slamming of car doors. The cacophony of traffic. Phonecalls, pagers, intercoms, people, gentle clickety-clack of keyboards (sometimes), droning of voices, hum of airconditioners, the whooshes of coffee machines, punctuated twice or thrice by the azaan. Traffic again but this time a little gentler. The jangling strident calls of my cellphone. Television. Then, silence again.

And through it all, what I long to hear is this - the gentle lapping of tiny waves and the slap-slap of the water in the canals as vaparetto(s?) speed through or gondolas cut through. The sometimes raucous laughs of loud, Italian women, tourists for who this is the vacation of a lifetime (Who am I to say a thing? I keep posting these sorry pics on my blog) and the laughs, the fights and talk of people, who they say contribute in sinking this city a little more each year.

Songs That Make Me Feel Better

2011-07-29T15:47:00.004-04:00

Yeah this blog still exists. Could not post for many, many reasons. Work, work, work. Home renovations that resulted in my UPS and monitor going bust. And yeah, I am still one of the dinosaurs who still uses a PC. And my monitor is 24" wide. Yes. Take that you bleddy tablet users. You will never know the satisfaction of not having to scroll and scroll till kingdom come to type one effin' sentence.
Anyhow, the home renovations are done. I am satisfied because I have 2 nice enough bathrooms (I still dont have a tub at home, but that will happen in 5 years time, maybe sooner, whenever I feel brave enough to push myself out of my comfort zone once again), lovely floors, a silver ceiling, and an empty bank balance. I am relieved to be home after living out of a suitcase for more than a month. Which is ironical, since I will be travelling frequently again for the next part of the year, BUT the home renovations are done, my PC is up and running, my printer and fax machines are working and I will return to a home with nice bathrooms!
This post is most certainly NOT about home renovations. This is about Songs That Make Me Feel Better. While I was away, I missed everything. Most of all, I missed my shoes and the bad music that is my equivalent of comfort food. These are the songs that always cheer me up. Mostly because of the positive associations I have with them. Some remind me of the times when life was less complicated. Some of the times when I could love better. Some of innocence. Some of lost loves. Some of being with friends who are no longer friends because of various reasons. Some of making out - earlier one didnt need to think of the whys and wherefores and the consequences and now one mourns the loss. Some of my family. Some of just happy random memories that are buried deep inside my brain that I cannot remember anymore. Some are just happy cheerful songs.
1. What's Going On - 4 Non Blondes
2. Dont Talk Just Kiss - Right Said Fred
3. Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer
4. Kung-fu Fighting - Carl Douglas
5. Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze
6. Living Next Door To Alice - Smokie
7. Karma Chameleon - Culture Club
8. Never On A Sunday - The Chordettes (Though I grew up hearing the Nana Mouskouri version)
9. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Wham
10. Barbie Girl - Aqua (yeah yeah I know)
11. The Ketchup Song - Las Ketchup
12. Viva La Vida - Coldplay
13. I have a dream - Abba
14. Brown Girl in the Ring - Boney M
15. When we were young - Take That
16. Never Forget - Take That (Oh how I loved this song at a point in my life. In my mind this was the best boy band ever after New Kids On The Block)
17. Tubthumping - Chumbawamba
18. Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits
19. Honky Tonk Women - Rolling Stones
20. I will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
21. Que Sera Sera - Doris Day
22. Money for nothing - Dire Straits
23. You Gotta Be - Des'ree
24. Sweetest Thing - U2
25. I would do anything for love - Meatloaf
26. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
27. Free Fallin' - Tom Petty (I know this isnt a happy song but it makes me feel happy)
28. Rainy Day Women # 12 & 35 - Bob Dylan
29. Funky Town - I dont remember who sang this but happy, happy feel
30. You’re The First, The Last, My Everything - Barry White
31. YMCA - The Village People
32. Jambalaya - Creedence Clearwater Revival
33. Speedy Gonsales - Dont remember the singer
34. Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, Lil' Kim (LOVE LOVE LOVE it)
35. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
36. Light My Fire - Doors
37. Hotel California - Eagles (Just how many bad versions can a person suffer and still feel happy with the eagles' version - gadzillion - I am living proof)
38. We will Rock You - Queen
39. Killer Queen - Queen
40. Walk On The Wild Side - Lou Reed (kisses V)
41. California Dreamin'- The Mamas and the Papas
42. All The Young Dudes - Mott The Hoople
43. I'm too sexy - Right Said Fred
44. Macarena
45. American Pie - Don McLean
46. The Animal Song - Savage Garden
47. Kokomo - The Beach Boys (I never said this was a umm.. indicator of good taste list, did I?)
48. Wild Wild West (yeah, yeah go and laugh now)
49. Mambo # 5 - Lou Bega (Someone once told me this was an indicator I was nuts - could me, but damn does this make me want to dance)
50. Cotton Eyed Joe - Rednecks (Are you guys hald dead with laughter by now?)
51. Wannabe - Spice Girls

Sunday Night Dinner - Lal Maas

2011-05-08T11:55:00.005-04:00

I have been somewhat underweather for the past few days and had to be subjected to a bout of antibiotics. So, today for dinner, I wanted something fiery, spicy and meaty. Normally I would just get a portion of burra kebabs from Kwalitys, but as my doctor has banned me from eating outside, decided to cook mutton at home. I also wanted a recipe in which I would not need to marinate mutton, because invariably, I make mistakes and lose patience midway.

After pouring through the collection of cookbooks that had been gathering dust, I located a recipe for lal maas (literally red meat) in Curry. The recipe did not call for complicated ingredients and I had everything I needed. The recipe itself is simple and involves first soaking the dry red chillies, then frying the garlic and onion until golden brown alongwith cloves, green and black cardamoms and bayleaves. Then adding the mutton and frying for 2-3 minutes, adding the soaked red chillies, cooking some more, then adding a yogurt and spice mixture (coriander powder, roasted cumin, red chillies powder - I used Kashmiri, salt) and cooking until the water dries up. I then detracted from the recipe and plonked it all into a pressure cooker, added stock, checked the seasoning and then pressure cooked until 6 whistles because I like my mutton dropping off the bone in curries. After the pressure had gone down, I added some chopped coriander. The original recipe called for a tadka of ghee, cloves and some more dry red chillies, but I thought it was aromatic enough and I didnt want it to be swimming in fat.

Ate it with hot phulkas (chappatis). I was very satisfied with this recipe and plan to incorporate it in my favourites. Mostly because it is easy to cook and I am very lazy, the flavouring is wonderful and it comes out looking very very inviting.

I Would Tell You

2011-05-07T15:40:00.001-04:00

How much I love you, but I never find the right words.

Indian Trophy Wife Characteristics

2011-04-16T14:32:00.002-04:00

Blonde hair, either streaked or fully dyed. For some reason, Indian men like all others, like their trophy wife, blonde.

Previous professions - PR, Event management, Hotels/ hospitality industry, flight attendants, journalism (may surprise you, but true).

Clothed in Sabyasachi/ Ritu Kumar/ Gucci/ Any Designer label as long as it is loud. Show me a trophy wife who has ever carried off a sophisticated kanjeevaram and I will happily eat a tiny portion of durian.

Given to talking loudly about creative vacations.

Flashing a big fat diamond somewhere, either on the finger or ears. Understatement, is clearly a concept not understood.

Always in heels.

Sporting a big designer bag. See above wrt understatement.

Always interested in art, even though may not be able to distinguish a picasso from a miro. If is able to, guaranteed to do so in loud tones, that can be heard across room.

Is incapable of having a sensible conversation with husband's female colleagues that does not involve maids, children or condescension.

What They Dont Teach At IIMs

2011-04-16T13:21:00.005-04:00

If I had a dollar for every overeducated asshole I met, I would have atleast a quarter million dollars. Somehow these days being a nice human being equals being unsuccessful. Atleast that is what they teach at the IITs and the IIMs. These are the people running organizations, very successfully. These are the people who make India shining. These are the people who are the cream of the crop and these are the people who are represent India in most global forums. These are the people who compose the majority of my friends, who a majority of my friends are married to, and who I have grown up with. Yet, I have zero respect for them as human beings.
Fine, your IQ is 130+, you went to a better college but does that give you the licence to be a complete jerk? You too will kick the bucket some day and in pretty much the same manner as any other person who is not God's gift to mankind. One may think I'm mad and given to ranting, YET you decide after these scenarios whether these guys are assholes or not.
1. Guy asks (lady) colleague if she needs help shopping for groceries, as she doesnt have a car. On way back, guy asks lady if he can come up. Lady says no. Guy says, "Well, fine, but dont think I wont be fucking other women then." Guy from an IIM and a professor to boot. His female students have all my sympathy.
2. Guy points to pillar and tells lady, I can be that for you. Lady asks if he is married or not. Guy says, "I'm a free man." Lady finds out guy is married for last 20 years and nowhere near a divorce. Guy from an IIM.
3. Guy tells lady he is meeting in an arranged marriage thing, "Well, you know I am a catch. While you are probably my intellectual equal, the other options I have will look better with me everywhere." Guy from IIT/ IIM.
4. Guy tells lady, "I have been with hundreds of women, and they are good to fuck, but I'd rather sit here and have a conversation with you." A winner this one, ladies. Guy from an IIM.
5. Guy meets college friend (Lady) at the airport. Guy doesnt introduce trophy wife to Lady after learning she is still single. Guy from IIT/ IIM.

The above scenarios did not happen with me. So, apparently I am not alone in thinking going to the best universities/ colleges in India, does not automatically make you superior or God's gift to womankind/ mankind.

In my opinion, the following courses should be taught at the IITs and IIMs post haste:
1. How to behave with women who are your social, economical and intellectual equals 101.
2. Manners To Display with ladies whose pants you are aiming to get into 101. (Newsflash - Being a jerk and having the last word is not going to cut it)
3. How to handle initial rejection without coming across as a complete asshole 101.
4. What not to say to your female colleagues 101. (MAYBE Phaneesh Murthy could be a guest professor)
5. How to deal with the fact that women will always exist at the workplace whether you like it or not 101.

Atleast I Have Bob

2011-04-13T15:59:00.003-04:00

The saddest truth about growing up is that one is always alone. One has a family, parents, friends, etc. etc. but when you really need human presence, it is not there. Isnt it funny how one can be so lonely in a city of over 13 million people and in a country of 1.21 billion people? You have people to hang out, but you may not feel relaxed in their company or you are not able to schedule them into your life. Really, who on earth would have time for a conversation and tea at 1:00 am? Perhaps it is time to change the whole chosing thing. Meanwhile, there'll always be Bob.

Hey Sista Go Sista Soul Sista Flow Sista

2011-03-25T13:49:00.004-04:00

Does anyone remember that song, even?

Lately I've been busy. So busy, I haven't had time to write, get a haircut, get a manicure, buy groceries, read a book or keep up with friends. I don't see any change in this situation anytime soon.

When I occasionally resurface to get a gasp of air and catch up with my friends, I get confused. All my close friends have embraced motherhood not just once but twice over now. At times, we have nothing much to say to each other but old friendship is such a thing, you just sorta go along with the flow. For me, having them ladies around makes my life somewhat more balanced, and I am glad my friends accept me even though I neglect them, sometimes for decades because I'm too busy doing my stuff.

Whenever I meet some of my close friends, I cant help feel life is unfair in general to women. Where we meant to child-bear and give up our careers for our kids and husbands/ partners? Why is it so difficult to do both? I'm not saying it is easy, I know it is very difficult for working mums, and that is my problem. Why is it not difficult for working dads? Even now, the cooking-sewing-flowers-growing is essentially a ladies' chore, at least in India. Rarely does a man equally handle child bearing and rearing. Being your child's best buddy and friendly cop is not really bearing the burden of parenthood. When I see an equal amount of men cleaning poop, I will shut up. In reality, most of the dirty parts of child bearing are done by women. Which is probably why the mother-child bond is stronger. Perhaps, mothers do love their kids more, enough to carry them to term, breast feed, handle the poop and the vomit and then do it all over again.

All the men who start calling me an asshole on reading the above, please bear in mind that my blog is about my personal experiences and not yours, which is why, shut the fuck up. As for the gay dudes, wtf is wrong with you, why want a mewling puking thing that will accuse you of ruining its life once it has the power to argue and deliberate?

I marvel everyday at my friends, sister, cousins and colleagues who have chosen to have children. But, in the corners of my heart, I feel the world is unfair and unjust.

Inconvenience Regretted

2011-01-04T11:27:00.006-05:00

My parents sent this photo to me and my siblings and said, "Now that we are getting old, we know you three will be inconvenienced far more than we are comfortable. So, we thought this photo was so very apt."
Everytime I look at it, I cry a little. I am the middle child and I remember my father when he would carry all three of us (brother on shoulders, me and my sister in either hand) and my mother when she could dance for hours more gracefully and energetically than our entire class. I don't know what my sister's earliest memories of my parents are, and my brother sadly always saw them somewhat older and much tired. This photo is how I will remember my parents always. Having a ball, whatever their circumstances and always able to laugh and never EVER losing their sense of humour and dignity.

Famous Sights I Have Missed Seeing

2011-01-02T13:24:00.004-05:00

I consider myself fairly well-travelled, yet I have missed out seeing the most iconic sights in some of the famous cities I have visited. As all of you, my adoring readers have been deprived of my ramblings and listings for ages, I present before you a list of the iconic sights of the cities I have visited. I keep telling myself thats my reason to return.

Paris - Eiffel Tower. Yes. I have been to Paris 5 times, yet I have never been to see the Eiffel tower. I have passed it multiple number of times, but have never been on it. I have explored St. Germain, Les Marais and Montmartre village sufficiently to never get lost. I have seen the Pompidou centre, the Louvre, Musee Orsay, Love the Sainte Chapelle, have marched up and down the Champs-Élysées, etc. etc., yet I have never been up the Eiffel Tower.
New York City - The Statue of Liberty. I have gone to New York every year for the last 7 years, and yet, have never seen the statue of liberty.
Singapore - Bukit Timah Nature reserve. I have lost count of how many times I have been to Singapore, yet this the one place I have wanted to go since my first trip, yet have not managed to get there.
San Francisco - Haight Ashbury, Castro Street. When I visited San francisco, these were the two places I realy, really wanted to go, yet somehow couldnt make the time.
Boston - Museum of Fine Arts -I love Boston. I love the fact that one can actually walk around and have also seen a fair amount thanks to generous clients and friends. Yet, everytime I visit, I miss the MFA purely due to idiotic work schedules.
Brussels - Palais de Justice - Not seen. Also, word of advice. The Mannekin Pis is SO NOT WORTH IT. It is fucking 6 inches tall. Complete disappointment.
Berlin - Jewish Museum -I rank Berlin as one of the must-sees city in the world. I find it interesting and very different from other parts of Germany. Also, the Jewish Museum ranked way high on my list of things to see in Berlin, but never got around to it.
Shanghai - Oriental Pearl TV Tower. I feel ashamed of admitting this, but I never got around to seeing this, because I was too busy stuffing my face with soup dumplings.
Bangkok - Wat Arun - Again, I get so busy eating, going to galleries and shopping in Bangkok, I never move my ass to go see Wat arun.
Chicago - Frank Lloyd Wright Home - I think I've been on every tall building in Chicago, again thanks to people I work for. Also, have eaten at the finest restaurants in the USA in Chicago and am yearning for more, yet, the Frank Lloyd Wright home was top of my list, but never gets done, again mostly because of the magnificient mile and stuffing my face.

This list could continue ad infinitum, but I need to sleep.

How to Amuse Yourself OR How To Prevent Doing Yourself In

2010-11-28T14:29:00.004-05:00

This post is not what some of you may think it is about. Heh!

I largely stay alone. I left home at 17 (For college, not booted out or anything, though I feel I had tried my parents' patience enough). Since then I have been handling my own shit. Once I started drawing a substantial paycheck, there was nothing I wanted more than a roof of my own, where I could plonk in a hundred nails or paint the ceilings blue, without an irate landlord pounding on the door. So, I did that. Once the 100 nails were plonked in and the ceiling was painted blue, and the excitement of setting-up home had died down, I was at a loose end. I was bored. The hours sometimes strectched long and lonely after work. I dont like watching too much television and I dont like meeting people, as a hobby. I didnt want to call up friends and family and whine and sob to them periodically (I did do that, I am ashamed to admit).

So, I decided to do everything that amused me. I got involved in art, started travelling, started cooking stuff more complicated than dal-chawal, joined hobby clubs (Very difficult in Calcutta), started reading (this backfired, because now my home is overrun with books, but apart from a niggling annoyance now and then, dont mind it at all), started painting (also challenging wrt space), joined language classes, joined dance classes and keep doing random shit that I find amusing. I do get lonely even now, but I have a million things to do always and when one has a TO DO list that extends to over a million points, one tends to think lesser of poor old me.

The point of this post is that if you stay alone, do stuff that amuses or interests you and keep your brain occupied. Because nothing can kill you as effectively as loneliness and an idle brain can. You dont need megabucks always. So that should not be an excuse. I have seen many friends go down this path, and it saddens me.

The Fortune-Telling Lady Has Even Taken All Her Things Inside

2010-11-24T14:37:00.005-05:00

Now the moon is almost hidden
The stars are beginning to hide
The fortune-telling lady
Has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel
And the hunchback of Notre Dame
Everybody is making love
Or else expecting rain
And the Good Samaritan, he’s dressing
He’s getting ready for the show
He’s going to the carnival tonight
On Desolation Row
Haven't done a lot of Dylan because my life has been smooth as silk lately. A little bump here and there, every now and then, but silk it is. I have my cocoons, looms and weavers. They may not know it, but everyday I look at them going about their busy business and pray for them.

This post is not as senseless as it looks, atleast to me.

Rehashing Memories

2010-11-11T13:44:00.004-05:00

I visited my parents for Diwali this year. Actually one day after Diwali. What made it even better was that both my sister and brother were also able to make it. The 5 of us were under one roof after believe it or not, 11 years. The last time we assembled was during my sister's wedding, and we all know that was the stuff movies are made of, not romantic gooey teary ones, but the slapstick, the world has gone crazy ones. In-laws boycotting. Check. Crazy neighbours tying to gauge groom's age. Check. Father going all pink pagri at the last moment and ordering 50 kgs of Abar Khabo at the last moment (there were about 300 guests). Check. Sister going Bridezilla (This was my first introduction to the species and it was scary). Check. Sarcastic guests (some of who's hearts BIL had broken, no doubt) being nasty. Check. Booze under the Counter. Check. Drunk photographer. Check. Happy times. It was actually side-splittingly funny. Anyway, we were together again after 11 years!

This time it was different and better. There was a new nephew. We were relatively saner. My parents were older and had less energy and if you know my parents, you know in a way, that is good. And what did we do? We talked about old times and we laughed, and laughed and laughed until our bellies ached.

Smoothies For Dummies

2010-10-11T13:50:00.007-04:00

1. Forget to eat fruits for breakfast - All 4 kinds. You may not be able to make out thanks to my stellar photography, but you have watermelon, pineapple, cantaloupe and pomegranate here.
2. Worry that you will get scurvy, malaria, cancer, gall bladder stones, acne everything because you havent eaten 4-5 helpings of fruit.
3. Whip out the immersion blender.
4. Smoothie time!
5. Take 2 views of your glass, just because lack of content makes one post inanities on one's blog.

Milk

2010-10-10T13:42:00.004-04:00

I watched SATC2 on a flight and the copious Bailey's I was swigging made the movie watchable. The one thing that stuck with me was the Indian valet putting cinnamon in the milk he was heating for Samantha. I thought that was a weird combination, because Milk in my mind went with cardamom (elaichi) and I didnt like it. I do love cinnamon in my baked goods though, so I thought I'd try that out. Its simple. Just crush up a stick of cinnamon and plonk it in the milk you're heating. Strain and drink. I loved it. Its the perfect spice for milk. Absolutely perfect. Its like drinking cake batter. A lot of you may go "ewwww..", but I'm the licking the batter kind of baker. So, if you like cinnamon and you like milk, try it. May be old hat to a lot of you, but to me this is a novelty.

More Surprised Than Anything Else

2010-10-10T13:33:00.002-04:00

Few days ago, someone left a really really rude comment, which of course I deleted. Comment moderation, I love you. Anyhow, the funny thing is, I sorta agreed with the commenter, though I doubt he would have seen it that way. The comment was on one of my posts about how Indian men should shape up. I do go on the offensive very often mostly because the Indian men I meet make it just very very easy and my relationships with them are tenuous to say the least. What can I say? I like bad men and not the nice, submissive, mamma's boys kinds. This guy was an american guy of Indian origin and commented that Indian women too were pathetic. Of course, the comment was really rude. BUT, thing is that these days the sheer numbers of pathetic Indian women and men do bring on the bile. Also, I also feel that many Indian women who adopt western influences, embrace all the wrong ones. Me, I'm all about the feminism and equality. Most of my Indian sisters are about the dressing like a slut. Anyway, rude commenter, in a very very weird way, there was a grain of truth in your bilious rant.

What's Been Baking?

2010-09-07T14:33:00.008-04:00

I have been fascinated by baking but have been really scared. I got myself a basic Oven - an OTG, because I feel grilling and baking is far more healthier than dunking in gravies and curries. Since then, I have sorta lost my fear of baking and have been experimenting.

So, what have I baked so far?

Muffins, Sponge cake, Pistachio Cake, Scones, Coffee Mocha Cake and Pecan Squares. Some of my experiments are successfully, and some aren't, mostly when I tweak a recipe because I doubt the measures. I really need to be more trusting.

And, now some pictorial evidence...

Pecan Squares Pistachio Cake

Coffee Mocha Cake

Muffins
Muffins

The most successful of my experiments have been the muffins and the Pistachio cake. I have tweaked the Pistachio cake recipe and am posting it here. As long as you stick to the measurements it is a foolproof one. The cake is dense, but has the loveliest nuttiest crumb. I really cant get enough of it.

PISTACHIO CAKE
Ingredients
· 3/4 cup shelled pistachios
· 1 cup all-purpose flour
· 1 teaspoons baking powder
· 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
· 1/4 teaspoon salt
· 1/2 cup whole milk
· 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
· 1 1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) unsalted butter, softened
· 1 cup sugar
· 3 large eggs

Method
Preheat oven to 170° C. Butter a cake pan. Most recipes ask for flouring the cake pan etc., but I find that just greasing cake tins works better for me. If you wish, you may flour it.
Pulse pistachios in a food processor until finely ground (be careful not to grind into a paste). Add 1 cup flour, baking powder, cardamom, and salt and mix well. I normally whisk it very very lightly for 2-3 minutes. Combine milk and vanilla.
Beat together butter and sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer until pale and fluffy. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Alternately add pistachio flour and milk in batches, and mix until just combined.
Spread batter evenly in cake pan and bake in middle of oven until a toothpick comes out clean. It normally takes me 25-20 minutes. Cool and cut into squares and serve warm or later.

I got this recipe from epicurious and have tweaked it. I reduced the amount of baking powder to half because my cakes would rise too much and get too crusty and crack. I have also reduced the amount of cardamom to half of what was mentioned in the recipe, because this way the delicate of the pistachios really comes through.

Anyway, enjoy!

Delegation 101

2010-08-09T14:04:00.008-04:00

Yesterday was a work event. An important work event. I was feeling unusually confident about the abilities of my co-workers. So, I delegated cutesy photo taking to an underling. These are the spectacular results. Not one, not five, but SEVENTY THREE examples of stellar photography. Well played underling, well played!

Delegation 101 - DON'T.

Leaps And Bounds

2010-08-05T14:55:00.006-04:00

In 2009, I started getting plants into my 6 year old house. I wanted to put in roots? I wanted desperately to have a garden. Growing up in a bungalow with a half acre garden, makes one desperately want green. I started out by getting 5 plants and a gardener, who after laughing long and hard at my 5 pots, started gifting me all unwanted rejects from the massive gardens he tended to. I also started adding a plant here and a plant there. Now, I have over 40 plants. And, my aloe vera is thriving in not one but 2 pots.
This was my aloe vera plant when I got it in 2009.
This is my Aloe Vera now. It is thriving and actually sprouting babies. From one straggly Aloe Vera baby, I now have over 10 Aloe Vera plants. The big fat one that is tied to the stick is the original plant.
Another pic.

A lot of you accomplished gardeners may laugh at my foolhardy attempts. But, when I return from work and see my plants, I know I'm home.

Books Etc Giveaway - Results

2010-07-29T15:45:00.002-04:00

My books giveaway has been a success! All books, save 5 which I decided not to give were given away. I have successfully sent off all parcels. I have 1 shelf cleared. I shall be posting the second list soon. I know I have been tardy, but life has been rather full at the moment. Hope all of the people who've got the books enjoy them.

Books Etc Giveaway

2010-07-14T13:10:00.011-04:00

I have a big pile of stuff I no longer want. Throwing in the trash seems heartless and I would rather someone who really wants to read/ use, gets to read the books/ use stuff. the books/ stuff are all in good condition with minimal wear and tear. Most books are paperbacks. I will be snipping off the page on which I normally scrawl my name for obvious reasons. Other than that they are in very good condition. The reason I am abandoning these books is that I am running out of space at home and I dont wish to keep them for eternity.
I will be crossing out the stuff as soon as it gets booked. All you need to do is email me your mailing address on plumpernickel at gmail dot com. The books will be sent by speedpost. My real life friends and family obv get first preference, but there is a good chance you will. If you have booked a book and it has been previously booked and I have not struck it off the list, I will email you back and inform you. Please understand that I will post the books/ stuff only anywhere in India. Please also do not ask for more than 10.
Anywhere this is the list: The ones struck off have already been booked.

LIST OF GIVEAWAY STUFF

~~Shopaholic & Sister - Sophie Kinsella~~
~~Shopaholic Takes Manhattan - Sophie Kinsella~~
~~Can you keep a secret - Sophie Kinsella~~
~~the Boy next door - Meggin cabot~~
My Sainted Aunts - Bulbul Sharma
~~Shopaholic & Baby - Sophie Kinsella~~
~~Five Quarters of the orange - Joanne Harris~~
Big Bangs - Beverley Macdonald
Written in Blood - Beverley Macdonald
~~Sex and the City - Candace Bushnell~~
Made in America - Sam Walton
~~After the banquet - Yukio Mishima~~
~~Passenger to frankfurt - Agatha Christie~~
Lark Rise - Flora Thompson
~~The Sea - John Banville~~
~~Wild Swans - Jung Chang~~
~~Caravans - James A. Michener~~
~~The Woman & the Ape - Peter Hoeg~~
~~The way to paradise - Mario Vargas Llosa~~
~~Vernon God Little - D B C Pierre~~
~~The line of beauty - Alan Hollinghurst~~
~~Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden~~
The opposite of fate - Amy Tan
~~Amrita - Banana Yoshimoto~~
~~The year of yes - Maria Headley~~
~~Everything happens for a reason - Kavita Daswani~~
~~Bright Lights Big Ass - Jen Lancaster~~
~~Virtual Realities - Neelam Saran Gour~~
Chasing Cezanne - Peter Mayle
~~Lipstick Jungle - Candace Bushnell~~
~~The Girl who loved Tom Gordon - Stephen king~~
~~Rose madder - Stephen king~~
~~Rude Food - Vir Sanghvi~~
~~The Bad Mother's Handbook - Kate Long~~
~~Jigs & Reels - Joanne harris~~
~~Cause celeb - Helen Fielding~~
~~My Latest Grievance - Elinor lipman~~
~~Texas - James A. Michener~~
The Devil wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger
~~The Hippopotamus - Stephen Fry~~
~~Moonlight Becomes You - Mary Higgins Clark~~
~~4 Blondes - Candace Bushnell~~
whale Done - the power of positive relationships - Ken Blanchard
~~Pop - truth and power at the Coca Cola Company - Constance L. Hays~~
~~Memories of my melancholy whores - Gabriel Garcia Marquez~~
~~The Wonderspot - Melissa Bank~~
~~The Sovereignity of Good - Iris Murdoch~~
~~Everyone worth knowing - Lauren Weisberger~~
~~The rough guide to Paris~~
~~Still Life - A. S. Byatt~~
~~Saving Fish from Drowning - Amy Tan~~

Polite Conversation

2010-06-22T13:41:00.002-04:00

It isnt the done thing to ask ladies how old they are. So, in India people ask you the year you graduated. Doc, did the same. I said, "2000". He said very sadly, "1989." Then he drank 2 glasses of wine very, very quickly.

Being The Skeleton In The Closet

2010-06-22T12:59:00.002-04:00

So, we're looking for a bride for my brother. My five year younger brother. In fact, I've even started buying clothes to wear in my brother's wedding and we havent (he hasnt) found the bride yet. Mother was telling me about a meeting she had with a lady with a daughter who could be the suitable girl. And she says, "Before anyone else could tell her, I told her - my daughters are very independent minded. The elder one got married to a Bengali man and the younger one is not going to."

So, world, meet plumpernickel - the skeleton in my family's closet.

In Memory Of Meals Gone By

2010-06-21T15:04:00.002-04:00

And what a meal it was!

Always Makes Me Laugh

2010-06-21T15:00:00.001-04:00

Mom: Will you miss me when I'm dead and gone?
Me: You'll have to die for that first.

No one else in my family gets it why I and Mom collapse helplessly with laughter at this. Every time.

Muffin Is Not Cake

2010-06-20T03:20:00.006-04:00

Whenever I return from the US, the only thing I miss are the muffins and the bagels and the..., well, lets not get into that, but a good muffin is not easily available in Calcutta. By a good muffin I mean a muffin and not a cupcake, which passes off as muffin at most establishments. The places that do good muffins seem to use too much butter. I want my muffin to be cinnamony, have a crumb and be a little dense but not too much and give an indication of what went into it. So, desperate in need of a good muffin, I decided to bake them on my own.
I checked my recipe books, scoured on the Internet and ahem, chose the easiest one. It is as easy as making a pack of ramen. Seriously.
I tweaked the recipe I found a little to get me the exact muffin taste I wanted. Here is the recipe, just in case...
Ingredients
1 cup Quaker Oats (the 3 min cooking ones)
1 cup milk
3/4 cup all purpose flour (maida)
1/4 cup whole wheat flour (atta)
2 tsps baking powder
1/4 cup sugar (I added 2 tsps more to the 1/4 cup)
1 heaped tsp cinnamon powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup raisins
1/4 cup flaked almonds
1 egg
1/4 cup oil (I used saffola - did fine)

Method
Pre-heat oven to 180 deg C. Grease muffin tins. Mix the oats and milk and let it soak for 15 mins. Best the egg and oil. Combine the rest of the ingredients except the raisins and nuts to ensure they are homogenized. After the egg and oil have combined, add the oats-milk mixture and mix well. Add the flour-sugar-baking powder-cinnamon mixture bit by bit and keep mixing to ensure no lumps are formed. Add the raisins and almonds (I plan to add cranberries and walnuts next time) and mix well. Pour into the muffin tins/ cups uotil the surface. This is important or you wont get a muffin shape. Bake at 180 deg C for 20-25 minutes until done. Insert a toothpick and if it comes out clean, it is done.
Once out just knock out of tin and stuff in your face, like I did. I blame it to the smell. OH the smell of baking wafting is enough to make your brain say "muffin! muffin! muffin!"

A close up. This looked much better than the pic.
This is after knocking it out of the cup. Shape held well even after cooling. So, Yay!

Just look at that crumb! Seeing the success of my first baking experiment, I will be baking A LOT now.

Just Another Day

2010-06-15T15:02:00.009-04:00

Walking around aimlessly in NYC is always guaranteed to entertain. From out of nowhere, this parade stopped all traffic in Little Italy.

This really amused me, because if I was a part of this parade, I would be dragging the water bottles/ refreshments.

Boundaries and Fences

2010-05-08T16:41:00.003-04:00

1. The Internet is not really an anonymous medium. You may have a nickname but that doesn't mean you have to be obnoxious. Amazingly, a lot of people forget this. I'm outspoken, if provoked and this blog is a testament of that fact. Still, there is a difference in being outspoken and being obnoxious. Putting down people without reason is juvenile.
2. Everyone on the Internet is not looking for a match making experience, even if they are single, such as moi. I am polite, flirty even but taken. I dont wish to discuss my personal life in public and that is that. It is irritating to have people hitting on you just because one doesnt like to gush on and on about one's personal life.
3. Being abusive is fine, as is swearing, but sometimes it is revolting, especially when your abuse involves the female genitalia. Just why calling someone female genitalia is abusive, I don't understand, however, I find it very offensive, next to racist abuses people tend to use rather freely.
4. Being on twitter has been an eye opener on how people younger than I, feel and think. Well, nothing has changed with the demographic I am familiar with - engineering/ management graduates. Still misogynist, sexist, racist and desperately chasing tags. Is it a wonder I feel like a misfit at work? Who am I kidding? Indian men just do not know how to behave with women at work and never will learn until their mothers stop treating like Gods. Mommy dearest, are you listening?

How Does Your Garden Grow?

2010-04-16T12:29:00.006-04:00

I purchased 2 paintings today. The artist is a young, struggling artist Sujit Karmakar, who is also showing at Studio 21. These two are called very simply "Childhood".

Opinions solicited.

Tandoori Chicken - Dinner Tonight

2010-04-12T13:43:00.001-04:00

One of my culinary ambitions is to be able to make a good Tandoori Chicken at home. Why? I spent few years in Delhi and grew to love the rustic simplicity of TC. Sure, decent TC is available everywhere, but cooking and eating at home, ensures I actually know what went into my food.
So, I am on a perfecting TC mission. Yesterday, I marinated a whole skinned chicken with ginger-garlic paste, yoghurt, chilli powder, salt, a wee bit of rock salt, some garam masala and some lime juice. I'm not happy with the marinade. Somethings missing, I think I need to up the yoghurt and use fresh ginger-garlic. Well, I marinated the chicken overnight and then put it in the griller at 190 deg C for about 1 hour and turned it around 3 times. It was cooked perfectly. The right amount of char and soft and very well-cooked inside. So, I got the timing correct atleast.
This is the best picture - somewhat obscene looking Tandoori Chicken!

Excuses

2010-04-09T14:20:00.002-04:00

I am busy.
No really.
I'm bored.
I'm depressed. Very depressed.
I'm tired.
And now I've even run out of excuses.

One Day I Shall have Time For

2010-03-25T16:26:00.002-04:00

Lunching
Watching the world go by on a lazy Sunday afternoon
Painting
rearrange faces and give them all another name
Go for Bob Dylan concerts
Build a house
Spend whole day on the sofa reading
Shop leisurely
Sleep 8 hours everyday
Shampoo my hair every other day leisurely rather than my normal slip dash rush routine.

Making Up One's Mind

2010-03-25T16:24:00.001-04:00

I made up mine a long, long time ago. It's time you made up yours.

Dining

2010-03-02T13:23:00.002-05:00

The suit was pinstriped. Ferragamo it was rumored. The dinner was a carnivore's delight. The conversation was a battle of egos, and after a while the name dropping got intense and fierce. They said Per Se, he said Lugers. And then they knew, they would be incompatible.

Put On Your Makeup Me Beauties

2010-03-02T13:12:00.010-05:00

For I can't wait to eat you all up!

So Women + Wine = Fallen Woman?

2010-02-13T16:52:00.003-05:00

Prior Art: They say that if you aren't sure of something, you should keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool rather than open it and confirm the sorry fact. Anyhow. Being inclined towards the good things in life, including Le food and Le drink, I am inclined to socializing based on my likes, so that even if I secretly don't like the people I meet, I at least am sticking to the pleasure principle by enjoying my food and drink.
Background: My work involves occasionally imbibing huge quantities of alcohol and still having a clear head and no, I don't work for UB. College prepared me well for this aspect of my job and I confidently can state that I can out drink a normal man (I do know of some Goliaths and this david, cannot slay them, but the average man who likes his drink, I can out drink). I hate people making drinking or any pleasure of life an ego thing, since I feel it takes away the initial pleasure. After 3 bottles, the wine one drinks, could be plonk and one would still feel it was a Mouton de Rothschild, still if so inclined, I can be competitive.
At work, I really work, but outside work, I am a secret party animal. However, you could never make this out if you saw me at work.
Description: Calcutta, cracks me up. I joined a sorta secret sisoty of people who get together to enjoy food and drink. When I do things, I do them very literally. I wouldnt have joined if there was any other ulterior motive, such as social climbing - something I hate from the bottom of my heart. Apparently, the objective of this sisoty has not been taken as literally as I did, by everyone in it. I met someone I had been sorta communicating professionally and I got talking and then this guy asked me if I was the self same ogress plumpernickel and I said yes and he appeared gobsmacked. According to him, my erstwhile reputation as a non-smoking, non-drinking pavitra bhartiya nari (FAIL!) was now in tatters, since I apparently enjoyed sura and sur and therefore was now typecast as a fallen women. Oh Calcutta! Indeed!

Just Bumming Around

2010-01-31T13:35:00.004-05:00

Sure, I can bum around too, but it is true, I can't live on toast alone.

Does Anyone Remember Anymore

2010-01-31T13:22:00.003-05:00

The pleasures of

Going on a walk alone minus cellphone, minus blackberry, minus connectivity.
Bicycling in the countryside on mud paths.
Sploshing around in ponds formed by the monsoon rains when the sun comes out.
Climbing trees to pick raw mangoes, tamarind, guavas or kadam ke phool.
Plucking gooseberries (ber) from swathes of gooseberry bushes, getting pricked by the thorns, and delighting in the handkerchief full of gooseberries one has picked.
Making balsa wood planes and trying to launch them.
Playing badminton on a lawn at home.
Messing around in chemistry labs and causing explosions.
Reading novels in craft classes.
Lying on a charpoy and identifying constellations.

I miss my childhood.

And Fishermen Hold Flowers

2010-01-25T15:43:00.002-05:00

Lily Rosemary and The Jack Of Hearts

2010-01-25T15:05:00.000-05:00

Pain That Stops and Starts - A Decade

2010-01-25T14:44:00.004-05:00

It will be ok.
I can't manage you, but sometimes maybe you should give it a try.
I have many many many demons that we have easily identified. I'm not asking you to slay them, just soothe me while I'm dealing with them.
I told you I was contradictory.
Sometimes, even the world isnt enough when I need the space. Let me roam.
Whats the sense in changing horses in midstream?
I am back in the rain and you're on the ledge - You made it there somehow.
I'm just like that bird - singing just for you. I hope you can hear. Hear me singing through these tears.
Time is a jetplane. It moves too fast.
I remember but thats no reason for interrogation. Non?

Things I want to do before I die - Redux and Amended

2010-01-25T13:33:00.003-05:00

Things I want to do before I die
14 Done! I'm pleased that I'm able to achieve atleast one thing every year. Talk of baby steps!

1. Run a 28 mile marathon.
2. Spend a summer in Paris.
3. Go backpacking across Europe.
4. Actually paint a masterpiece - a mural.
5. Weigh 55 kgs.
~~6. Walk on the Golden Gate bridge.~~ - twice - yay!
7. Learn to speak French.
8. Watch a Bob Dylan concert.
9. See the Rolling Stones.
10. Bungee Jump.
11. See the Amazon Rain forests.
12. Go to Brazil.
13. Write a book.
~~14. Swim with a dolphin.~~
15. Meet Bob Dylan, even to get tongue tied and make an complete ass of myself.
~~16. See the Sistine Chapel.~~
~~17. Learn to eat Caviar without puking.~~
~~18. Ride a Gondola in Venice.~~ - NEW
19. Shave my head.
20. Learn to fly an aircraft, even a tiny one.
21. Learn to play the drums.
22. Go to a Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans.
23. Go ski-ing in the alps.
24. Grow my own herbs and tomatoes and own a tiny farm.
~~25. See the Louvre.~~
26. See the Great Barrier Reef.
~~27. Walk along the Great Wall of China.~~
28. Go snorkelling in the Lakshwadweep Islands.
~~29. Learn to control my road rage.~~
~~30. Drink feni at Dona Paula, Goa.~~
~~31. Drink champagne in Champagne.~~
32. Drink Bordeaux in Bordeaux.
~~33. Pluck tea in Darjeeling and run along the furrows in a tea garden.~~ - NEW
34. Find out more about my family's past.
~~35. Totter on a Manolo Blahnik.~~
36. Go hiking in the himalayas.
37. See the wild-asses in the Rann of Kutch.
38. Go to the valley of flowers.
39. Make my own cartoon strip.
40. Learn how to use a potter's wheel and make myself a bowl.
~~41. Learn to fly a kite.~~
42. Plant an orchard.
~~43. Buy original paintings and not just prints.~~

My Life - It is LE OVER

2010-01-24T10:00:00.002-05:00

I normally never wear Indian clothes. However, my professional area is rather stuffy and conservative, so I normally wear Pant suits or atleast a jacket at work and formal trousers. However, when dealing with the GOI, I wear churidar kurtas so as to not put them off completely, because it is all about Le Image.

Today while returning at a traffic intersection waiting for the light to turn green, a strawberry seller says to me, "BHABHI, le lijiye, ekdum fresh hai!" AIYYYYYYYYY....... When did this happen? When did I become "BHABHI" from DIDI? Do I look married to you, idiot? My youth is GONE and My Life is NOW LE OVER!!!!!!!!!

Chicken Dumpling Soup

2009-12-29T14:07:00.007-05:00

I love dumplings and have discovered they are fairly easy to make. Very easy in fact, if you have been cooking and know your way around a kitchen. This chicken dumpling soup is hearty and very satisfying AND easy to make. I normally make a big batch of dumplings enough for 3-4 dinners. These keep well in fridge for about a week. Sorry about the quality of pics. I cook at night ALWAYS and mostly am too tired to plan my pics. So, the pics here are meant to give one a general idea. Anyway, this is the recipe.
Ingredients
For the dumplings - Ground chicken 500 gms, celery 2 stalks chopped fine (optional - I love chicken and celery, so I use it), coriander about 2 tablespoonfuls chopped v fine, 2 green chillies chopped fine, 2 spring onions chopped v fine, 1 red onion chopped very fine, ginger minced - about 1 heaped teaspoon, salt to taste, fresh ground pepper, 2 eggs, corn flour
For the soup - basic chicken stock - about 1.5 litres/ 2 litres
Method
Combine the dumpling ingredients and add enough cornflour to make a mixture that looks like this.
Heat the stock to a boil, then turn DOWN the heat and drop tablespoonfuls of the dumpling batter into the boiling stock GENTLY. I used my hands because thats how I cook. Keep adjusting the heat and when the dumplings rise to the surface, they are done. This takes about 5-15 minutes depending on the size of your dumplings.

Drain and take out the dumplings and keep making batches until your batter is finished. The dumpling look like this.

Since, I am greedy, I ate some just like that. But, if you have more self control, wait until all dumplings are done, then turn up heat of the stock until it boild furiously, tilt all the dumplings gently into it, let them bubble away merrily for 2-3 minutes and then ladle out and eat.

The above picture does not do justice to the wonder of this soup, but it is restorative and very tasty.

Afternoons and Coffeespoons

2009-12-23T12:21:00.002-05:00

Afternoons encourage the exchange of confidences. Based on wholly true incidents - WHEN ONE JUST DOES NOT WANT TO BUMP INTO AN EX-BOYFRIEND:
1. On meeting your daughter's in-laws at her wedding, your longtime ago ex from school turns out to be your son-in-law's piano teacher. You think, "God! WTF did I see in this loser?"
2. You wait for an hour at the gynaecologist, only to come face to face with an ex, who grins and says, "So, are we ready to be examined yet?"
3. At an interview you are taking, for personal assistants.
4. While watching the latest action flick, the idiots sitting in the front row keep necking. Lights go on and it is an ex with some 16 year old.
Just for the record, none of the above happened to me.

How To Say "No"

2009-12-18T14:47:00.003-05:00

Just say "No", I really do not care you killed a fake uncle or how tired your poor, hardworking husband gets after returning from ummm... whatever.
If you have a story, stick to it. It can either be a dead fake uncle OR tired hardworking husband. Not both. One story per excuse is credible. Now, if you add a mumps ridden kid to it too, do you want me to write you a cheque too?
If it is an excuse used often, remember what you used last time.
Try to make it short, because rambling on and on makes your feeble lie even more feebler. Plus, just a "No" is enough. Most people dont really care about your reasons.
If "illness" is your standard excuse, I'm not setting a foot into your house ever, because who really wants a slew of infections? Ewwwwww.....
Most importantly, be gracious. Image is everything and you really don't want the reason why you were asked in the first place, flushed down the toilet, do ya?

Around The World In 80 Blogs - Calcutta, India

2009-12-15T14:55:00.009-05:00

I made a commitment to everyday stranger and being the primary cardholder of the better late than never party, here I go...

I also have to admit that lately work and my other commitments have kept me very occupied and I forgot to take pictures, so good people forgive the pictures I stole from the Internet and I fully promise to post my own very soon. Anyway, this is where I stay now and it now feels like home.

I live in Calcutta and I have a love-hate relationship with Calcutta. Also, for those of you who don't know, Calcutta was renamed Kolkata but to me Calcutta it is and Calcutta it will be. For those who want to know more about this distant city, you may click HERE. However, in this post I shall simply mention what I love about Calcutta and what has, despite most annoyances made me stay here.

I moved to Calcutta after being stood up at the altar and after a decade, I can look back and really laugh at that. In part, Calcutta has healed me, restored my faith in goodness, enabled me to laugh from the bottom of my tummy and this is where I met the loves of my life - yes loves - sweetheart, passions and my missions in life. Sounds dramatic, but thats me - surprisingly melodramatic, which may be attributed to this very, very melodramatic city.

There are many, many places to visit in Calcutta and things to see, and when one visits Calcutta, one should know that this Indian city takes art and culture very seriously. When I moved to Calcutta first, I checked out all the touristy spots - the many (dilapidated) churches and the even more interesting cemeteries, the markets, the temples (though Kalighat put me off temples for life), the botanical garden and the bridges. Over the years, I have few favourites that I visit over and over again.

This is St. Paul's Cathedral, located in the middle of Birla planetium and the Academy of Fine Arts. This is where I go sometimes to feel calm and midnight mass at Christmas is traditionally Anglo Indian and very very interesting to me. I go to the Academy of Fine Arts that is located right beside St. Paul's practically every week and it is always very pleasant to look at the peace and calm of the Cathedral during the drive. The Academy of Fine Arts lets out its galleries to artists or whoever wishes to exhibit anything! It is always an interesting visit, as one can bump into famous artists, Calcutta Culture Vultures and a lot of people with intellectual/ arty leanings. Sometimes, one also comes across very talented lesser known artists and it gives me a lot of pleasure to discover and encourage them. So, this is the general vicinity in which I spend most of my Saturday evenings.
After checking out the Academy, more often than not, I like to go to Oxford Bookstore on Park Street, which used to be one of the swisher shopping addresses. Right now, it has dropped in popularity because of the millions of malls that are being built around the city, but Park Street has a charm and air that is truly unique to Calcutta. Oxford Bookstore, I think is well over 85 years old and a great place to browse. Nobody disturbs you, you can read full books without salespeople shooing you, has a great Tea Shop where you can settle down and read a book and sip hot or cold tea for HOURS at an end. You may also come across an old Gentleman in a tie (ALWAYS) pottering about. That, is a dear friend of mine - Mr. Motwani, who I feel has worked at Oxford for ever and if he likes you is most helpful. This behaviour, long forgotten is what contributes to the charm of Calcutta. A visit to Calcutta is incomplete without dropping in at Oxford and Flurys a tearoom, which is another Calcutta fixture. Now, I have LOTS of complaints about Flurys, even though I get excellent service because, well, I eat out a LOT. Foodwise, there is nothing outstanding about Flurys, but the atmosphere is charming and it is the best place to people watch.
Again, for most regular readers of my blog (Ok, who am I kidding - nobody, sigh!), my annoyance with clubs in Calcutta is legendary. Calcutta society identifies itself by the clubs it belongs to. Said society being umm.... on the wrong side of fifty now, which is my hugest grouse, since I am still very much on the right side of 34! Most clubs in Calcutta - Calcutta Club, Tollygunge Club, Bengal Club, The Calcutta Cricket and Football Club (which is practically opposite where I live), the Saturday Club, The Royal Calcutta Turf Club, Royal Calcutta Golf Club, so on and so forth are mostly social clubs. Walking into them, one is transported into another world, and though I feel there is much that I dont like about polite Calcutta society clubwise, it is often interesting to indulge in gossip over a cocktail at whichever club you belong to. That said, MY the good people of Calcutta LOVE to talk! They even have a special word for conversing - "Adda". Adda at clubs over cocktails - that is also typical Calcutta for you. This is a picture of Saturday Club - a club I frequent sometimes and where I again indulge in people-watching! Another really interesting place that I have grown to like is the Calcutta Race Course. No, I don't gamble, but winter afternoons spent at the Race Course, particularly on Derby days is very pleasant. Soft winter sun, beautiful thoroughbreds, the pleasant grounds of the Royal Calcutta Turf Club, the Victoria Memorial gleaming in the far distance - interesting and fun occasionally.

Now, most of what I have described above is mostly South Calcutta. I live in South Calcutta and though I am sure there are many interesting places in North, East and West Calcutta, I dont know them well enough to talk about them. Hey, Calcutta is a HUGE 13 million people city afterall! Do you expect me to know everything?

I live close to the Birla Mandir(Temple). Well, what do I say? The picture below looks ok, but the temple itself is very artificial and kitschy. I dont like it at all, though it is a convenient landmark. What I like about the Birla Temple is the concert hall below the temple in the anterooms. The concert hall is used for classical music concerts, plays and the like. Very convenient for me and just a hop, skip and jump away from home!

Apart from Art/ Culture/ temples etc. food is the other passion in Calcutta. People in Calcutta live to eat. I could go on and on and on about food in Calcutta. One never can be ill-fed in Calcutta and if you are, well, you dont know me. Heh!

Sure, there are a LOT of annoyances in Calcutta. The local government, the poverty (an annoyance because one feels helpless in the face of local apathy), the grime, the lack of professionalism, the lack of young professionals my age and the lack of quality entertainment. However, Calcutta is still charming and very interesting. I like to think I am contributing positively and if one has the patience, one may even start loving this crazy city.

Sugar Baby

2009-12-09T13:32:00.008-05:00

If I had to eat just one kind of thing again and again and again, I would eat dimsum. Cheating, yeah, but yeah, dimsum.
So, in memory of dimsums that I dont remember where I ate...
The condiments...

Mushroom and chicken - Too, too good.

Prawn hargaos. Not bad, not bad at all.

This was actually the dessert, a sago and mango dessert. Words cannot describe the wonderfulness.

Shiumai.
There is something to be said in that I tried to remember where I ate this meal but I still remember the flavors - Singapore? San Francisco? Seattle? Was it last year? Was it this year? What is wrong with me? Why cant I remember this? I think it was either San Francisco or Seattle. Still that dessert - Wow!

The Rudest People I Know

2009-12-02T13:56:00.002-05:00

Chinese lawyers - not to be racist or anything, but chinese people can very successfully make you feel like furniture if there is white skin around.
American women lawyers - again not be racist or anything, but most American women lawyers are so entitled, the world exists only for them, the sun rises only to shine on their day and Apple made ipods, only to provide music to their ears, which is a blessing actually because this way atleast they don't talk to you.
American stewardesses - I'm sorry, I didnt know asking for water was a crime against humanity. Enough said.
NRIs - OHMYGOD! Most NRIs have the solutions to ALL of Indian problems and never stop talking about them whether you want to listen to them or not.

Square Peg In a Round Hole

2009-12-02T13:05:00.003-05:00

Growing up, my over-polite mother's greatest horror was that I and my siblings would have no "tameez" and the importance of minding our Ps and Qs was dinned into us like nothing else. Mother shouldn't have worried. In a world rapidly forgetting "tameez"/ manners, I'm a fish out of water. I RSVP like nobody's business. I am polite mostly, not a pushover mind you, but very, very polite. I am always punctual - unless millions of people decide to get married on the same day and inconveniencing those who do not by driving in droves to shaadi-baaris (marriage houses - just dont ask). I don't ask rude questions. I don't inconvenience people mostly. I am not rude or deride people generally, whatever I may think of them. I don't play loud music. I don't talk loudly. I don't like intruding on anyone's space.
Which is why I feel the world would benefit greatly if the fear of being ganwaar was paramount. It would certainly make the earth more bearable. I think it has been the greatest failing of our generation that nobody is ashamed of anything. Not of ignorance, not of being rude, not of being uncouth, not of being uneducated, not of even being philistines. The only thing people are ashamed of is being poor and that is what has ruined my generation. I'm not glorifying poverty, afterall I love making money, but in a correct manner, what I mean is that forgetting everything in a mad rush to make pots of money is sickening.
These are the top of my grouses about ganwarpan and I can already imagine nani with a satisfied smirk in her babulal dhobi starched saris and matching jewellery beaming down at me from heaven -

People not teaching their kids manners in public places. For the millionth time - NO, it is not cute when your brat comes and stares at the food on my table and exclaims loudly, "Mummy, ye kya hai?"
People staring. Seriously, Indians stare a lot and I hate that.
People talking loudly in cellphones in public places, especially places like hospitals, banks, bookshops, restaurants and movie theatres. Seriously, I have zero interest in your ganwaar life, just shut up and stop imposing your loud, ganwaar conversation on me. Ladies - The world REALLY is not interested in you or your love life, so speak softly.
People who cant queue and who constantly move into my space by standing too close to me. I just hate that.
Social climbers
People who cant focus on a conversation and who's eyes keep darting around the room while you are talking to them to keep a tab on who to latch onto next.
Most men in Calcutta. One word - UGH! Either too creepy and slimebally or ugly and pot bellied and unfit and having not achieved anything in life but mediocrity - just very, very uninteresting to me. Now, why dont they get that?

Anyhow. I could go on and on, but sadly life has other pressing demands, so over and out. For Now.

Lurkers Speak Out

2009-11-27T14:58:00.001-05:00

I discovered this blog has lurkers! Eeeeeeeeeee.....
Well, lurkers, speak out. You know you want to!

Things That Annoy Me About Art

2009-11-15T10:45:00.004-05:00

Really, really bad art.
Acolytes who mislead people into thinking they are wonderful. Occasionally people need to be told the truth, especially if they are planning Art as a career. There are lots of commercial avenues available. Everyone who is skilled, doesn't need to be an artist. No, seriously.
Housewives who have no clue about art apart from being on first name terms with some really bad artists, either posing as artists and/ or running galleries because it gives them something to do and feel hip.
Paintings with socially relevant stuff written on them. It just annoys me.
Art auctions that inflate art prices and the egos of artists. This works on the really rich. Like they say, a sucker is born every minute. Every art auction thrives on some rich fool who needs to make a statement about arriving.
Gallery owners dropping names of the rich and famous, like it will make me buy anything. See No. 5. If you've fooled some rich sucker who has more money than sense (atleast artwise), do you really think you can get away with it all the time.
Socialites painting. Enough said!
Not to be a total asshole or anything, but swathes of artists reacting to Nandigram etc and putting up shows with horrifyingly bad art.
People claiming to love art and knowing many artists (like that is something relevant) and thus being art aficionados, and then when you start talking with them, not knowing anything.
All the weird inauguration rubbish for exhibitions. Actually, this should have been #1.

Things That Have Annoyed Me Recently

2009-11-02T13:28:00.004-05:00

I know, nobody out there is just DYING to read my latest list of annoyances. Admit it no one, this list has just made your day!

Women in my club in garish clothes celebrating their stupid husbands' existence (karva chauth - puke) AND getting the stupider photos published in the club newsletter. Imagine fat (I'm fat too, but I am a stylish non-garish clothes wearing fat; and those young ladies following in their elders' footsteps - well - you're looking at your future darlings) mostly punjabi/ sindhi women wearing gota and zari laden bright red, orange, pink, purple clothes and red lipstick and kilos and kilos of ganwar gold jewellery dancing to folk songs that even my blessed late grandmothers would turn up their snooty noses at.
The Docomo Friendship Express advertisement. I want to slap everyone in that advertisement.
The idiots exercising on the treadmill beside me who refuse to look the other way while I'm punching in my weight.
People who do not understand hygiene and the value of cleaning up. In Kolkata, thats like 99% of the population. Is it a wonder I am bad tempered?
People who dont understand the words, going and raving about MJ's This Is It. WHAT THE FUCK? You like watching child molesters? Also, by saying something is great just because the guy has kicked the bucket, what does it prove? If people like the music, it would be different, but whats with this dumb lemming like behaviour?
Indian Government Officials - atleast the ones I deal with.
Delta airhostesses who talk loudly when the lights are down. Nobody wants to hear about you, just let people sleep.
Relatives who only call to get the dirt on you.
Women who are wealthy dress tastelessly. Think fur, think satin, think sequins, think capes - ALL together. Women please look into the mirror before you buy. You dont have to buy it just because it cost a bajillion dollars, it needs to look GOOD on you.
Women who get married in a rush and then make a mess of it and refuse to listen.
People who pretend they have run out of cards and then email a week later, because they need you. I sometimes wonder, do they feel a twinge of regret, at all? Probably not, because well, they are American and thus rude behaviour is fine.
Friends who stay in America, forget your existence until they need you to do something for their dependents who are in dirty, smelly, awful India.
People who work with you, cracking spiteful jibes and thinking they can get away with it. Hmm... well, like I say, if you're an asshole, you will smell eventually. Also, burning bridges is not very smart.
People not understanding the value of RSVPing.
The idiot who tore off a leaf from my beloved aloe vera plant. Die asshole! Die!
The born donkeys who park all over my lane to get their booze.
Pedestrians who cant see an approaching car or understand the value of pavements.
Sprite Zero
Not getting Pro-Touch OB tampons in Kolkata. If you get me a sackful, I will be your slave for life.
Life

Only in the USA

2009-10-28T14:25:00.002-04:00

1. Will I meet an airhead who will be impressed with the ancient Indian art of "threading", and will discuss it during networking. WTF???
2. Will people talk loudly and slowly with you just because you are not cookie-cutter thin, blonde and white.
3. Will people ask you when you learnt English.
4. Will women think emancipation is having a separate networking event only for women. OHMYGOD - NO. I dont want to be treated any differently and even though I crib about the old boys networks, I really dont want to be party to a cackle of hens.
5. Will I meet really well educated people who have no clue where Calcutta is, never mind that a person of similar educational background from say Chile, not only knows Calcutta but also has read Indian literature.
6. Will have airlines ignore your pre-booked seating and force you to sit in the centre just because they think they can get away with it, because the passenger is not american. Said airline being United and said airline breaking suitcases and the personnel being rude and irresponsible.
7. Will women bras of size a, b and c be padded. WTF? Don't american women with small boobs wear non-padded bras? What is this obssession with being Pamela Anderson Lee?

In The Garden

2009-10-07T14:40:00.004-04:00

Living in a flat gets claustrophobic sometimes and I long for greenery. As always, I have ambitious plans and a month back, with hope springing eternal in my heart, with notions of verdant creepers and leaves springing from my tiny flat nooks, I employed a gardener. I had 3 pots then, to which I added a Ficus and an Aloe Vera plant. When the sum total of 5 pots was presented to the gardener, he smirked a little. I hoped he too would appreciate my thoughts. Turns out, my gardener works in a nearby mansion in Queens Park and has started adding to my collection by propagating the excesses into my humble pots. Everytime I return home on Tuesday, I find new plants greeting me saucily. Today's addition was the cactii - second from the right and left on the bottom row. Looking at my plants, I feel grounded and peaceful and at home, something that I have never felt before.

Earlier, my black thumb ensured that whatever plant I tried to grow, I killed either by over watering or forgetting to water it at all. Now, even my delicate Aloe vera plant has a new tendril - that is not visible in this photo since it was taken at 10 in the night. I wanted to grow orchids and have been a frequent orchid murderer. Now, however an orchid fest seems possible.

The Snapper Saga

2009-09-30T12:49:00.004-04:00

Last Sunday I came across white snapper and red snapper that looked really fresh at Spencer's fish shop, so I got both and also mackerel. Now, I am surprised. The white snapper, red snapper and the mackerel are way cheaper than Beckty, Hilsa and even rui! So, I am on a mackerel and snapper binge fest!

So, today was a Red Snapper dinner. This recipe has been pieced from Kylie Kwong's show, Ken Hom's recipes and also flavors from Vietnam and Thailand. This one is deep fried Red Snapper with a tangy chilly tamarind sauce. This is so simple and took me about 30 mins to prep and cook. The sauce was tamarind water, lime juice, sugar, garlic macerated, chillies chopped finely, shallots minced, coriander, mint leaves (that for some reason arent visible in the photo) and fish sauce. The fish was dusted with salt, pepper and flour and deep fried just like Kylie Kwong's technique and it was absolutely smashing! The fish was deep fried first and the sauce just poured over it. This was so good, it should be made illegal. I kid you not.

Red Snapper deep fried with tamarind chilly garlic sauce.

On Sunday, for dinner, I decided to bake the White Snapper. I wanted a clean, plain mouthfeel, so decided to keep the fish free from spices. I rubbed the snapper with olive oil, lime juice, salt and pepper, threw some garlic flakes over it and plonked it in the oven at about 190deg C for about 20-25 minutes. This was perfection. The fish was cooked perfectly. The freshness of the fish was not drowned by any spice or flavouring and each bite was moist, flaky and tasty.

Baked White Snapper

I got flowers in the spring

2009-09-14T14:26:00.005-04:00

I asked for masses of flowers. I got masses of flowers. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so very much!

Do Not Be Angry When You Go To Sleep

2009-09-07T17:02:00.004-04:00

If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
Im your man

If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
Ill examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
Im your man

Ah, the moons too bright
The chains too tight
The beast wont go to sleep
Ive been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or Id crawl to you baby
And Id fall at your feet
And Id howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And Id claw at your heart
And Id tear at your sheet
Id say please, please
Im your man

And if youve got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
Ill disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
Im your man
If you want a lover
Ill do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
Ill wear a mask for you

My Vada-Pav Eating Expedition

2009-09-07T12:34:00.006-04:00

I'm not really into street food. I am however, into Anthony Bourdain. And if Anthony can eat Vada-pav once and dig it, should I not atleast have one Vada-pav experience? So, desperate measures were in order. In desperate times, one turns to moms. Non? So, I rang up mata and explained the dire necessity of eating Vada-pav. I needed to visit Mumbai and partake of Vada-pav or else life was not worth living.

Well, in summary, Veni, Vidi, Veci......

Mata and Mr. Mata dutifully surveyed all the Vadewale in their area and came up with Shreedutt on the Panvel-Pune Highway. This was a sight to watch. No sooner were the vadas out of the kadhai, they landed right in the plates of people who just could not seem to get enough. We also had misal, saboodaana khichdi and kokum sherbet, but thats for another post. The vade were good.
A week after that, I went to Pune to my visit my parents and I related our Vada-pav expedition and my parents told me of Joshi Vadewaale, apparently the best Vadewale of Pune, who according to them must be closed due to Swine flu, because EVERY FUCKING thing in Pune was closed. However, in the spirit of things and to further our Vada-pav research, my father went on an exploratory mission and located 2 vadewaale in Baner (where they stay) - Rohit Vadewaale and one another who's name, sadly I have forgotten now. Anyhow, Vade were obtained "purely for research" - 4 each - Daddy dearest being a scientist always does VERY precise things, and consumed "purely for research"! The things we do for science!

The Other One

Rohit Vadewale

Hmmmmmm..... The truth was that we couldnt decide which were better. According to me, potatoes - good, deep fried in batter - good, soft pav - good, deep fried chillies - good, garlic chutney - good. All together - Good.

However, the Shreedutt vade had an edge because they were piping hot, the garlic chutney had an interesting edge. However, the pav was not so great.

The End!

What I Want For My Birthday

2009-09-03T15:23:00.002-04:00

I have been so busy, I totally forgot to post my normal greedy, supplicating, hoping Birthday Gift List that ONLY my sister seems to read and works on. OHIFORGOT, no one else EVER reads my blog. Sigh! So, this is yet another greedy, supplicating Birthday Gift wishlist.

Masses of flowers.
Pure White Linen (the key factor is "pure". White linen is NOT pure white linen.) - just to make this less of a puzzle for people who do not have boobs - this is perfume. Ok? And, I want a lifetime supply, because whatever perfume I start using, gets discontinued.
5 pairs of the best shoes ever - coccinelle, prada and geox - Me, i'm all about simple and specific tastes. AND I don't get these brands in Calcutta and I havent had the time to shop ANYWHERE ELSE.
5 or 6 cases of good prosecco OR Moet & Chandon. Not a bottle, okay?
My weight in unpasteurised, blue cheese, preferably french.
My weight in iberian ham OR parma ham.
A personal trainer who will come, drag me out of home and shout me into submission and make me exercise.
A bathtub and someone who will get my bathroom done promising no dust or headaches and chasing after plumbers, masons etc.
A really great lamp.
The perfect jeans.
The best hug ever that lasts for atleast 7 minutes.
A holiday in Hawaii OR Istanbul OR anywhere in Italy (with airconditioning) OR Mauritius OR fucking anywhere.
A single chocolate brownie.
A blackberry flip pearl.
The entire season of family guy.
Many, many paintings.
Mysorepak.
Veg Chop from Harry's.
A size 30 waist.
Did I mention masses and masses and masses of flowers?

I only wish I wasnt getting older. Sigh!

Yes, Venice IS that Beautiful

2009-09-03T14:33:00.011-04:00

What excites me about travelling is to get to know how other people live. I am so curious to see what people do, how they stay, what they eat, what they drink, how they love, where they stay and where do they go. I love peeping into houses and open windows and see people like busy little ants, go about their business. I often just look at people, and dream up stories about who they are, what they do and since I read too many thrillers and mysteries in my formative years, every one is a secret agent. Venice in my brain is all about love affairs, people looking for an escape, people in love with decaying decadent beauty (moi?), writers looking for their muses, composers who haven't written a note for years, artists who had to get away because they wanted to feel colour again, rock stars with their sixteen year old girlfriends, doddering old contessas who will not leave their crumbling mansions and pasta with seafood so fresh it makes you cry. Yet, I went to Venice for work and sans lover/s. Sigh!
And Life Goes On......
Won't You Come Into My Parlor?

Watching The World Go By... One Gondola At a Time...

Flowers That Would Have Cheered Up Even The Devil.

Shelter From The Storm?

The Picture That EVERY Tourist Just HAS to Take...

Window of Opportunity - Now Closed...

Mums The Word

2009-09-01T11:39:00.003-04:00

Everything tastes better at mom's. EVERYTHING. Even plain roti and dal. Ask my nephew, he'll vouch for it. WHOWOULDVETHUNK? I miss the oldies so much!

People Who Should Have Swine Flu But Wont Because Their Sole Mission In Life is To Annoy Me

2009-08-17T14:16:00.005-04:00

Behenji
Barkha Dutt (Yes sweetie, THATS how annoying you really are)
Most of TOI
Didi
The Karats
Most of the CPI M
Sushmaji
Basically all politicians who irritate me
The fat woman who asked me if I was single because I was divorced, widowed or because no man would marry me (NOT MAKING THIS UP)
All jay walkers
All people who can't stand in a queue in Haldirams and Spencers
Pretentious artists
Pretentious art critics who write catalogues for pretentious artists
Pretentious gallery owners who make pretentious art critics write catalogues for pretentious artists
98% of Bollywood film industry starting with the Bachchans.

Go on, add to the list... You know you want to!

Swine Flu - Bite My Ass

2009-08-16T15:43:00.003-04:00

Well, I am back from Bombay. I went wearing a N95 mask but found that too suffocating and it looked too much like a bra cup for my comfort, so I decided to put my daily dose of seven seas cod liver oil to the test and took off the mask and braved the elements. After I took off the mask, few thoughts came to my mind (Yes! In Bulleted form. I have decided to only think in Bullets from now on):

Swine flu has killed less than 100 people in India so far. The population of India is almost 1.2 billion, so the odds of my survival are WAYYY high.
India deserves regular culling of people. 1.2 billion and not stopping. We Indians, put rabbits to shame. So, I am all for epidemics culling the weaker.
Swine flu seems to be a relatively painless way to die compared to cancer, aids, malaria, TB, getting mowed down by Sanjeev Nanda like people, etc. You just get the flu and then you die. End of story.
Should I be step-motherly to Natco Pharma? If one supports the footwear industry, the garment industry, the music industry and the publishing industry, why not include the Tamiflu producing industry too? No, no, a million times No.
Why doesnt the media clutch their pearls about malaria, TB, cancer, dengue etc. which kill more people than this swine flu?
To take swine flu as a lethal killer seriously, I need to see atleast 5000-10000 people all together drop down dead like nine pins or else, whats the point of being a deadly disease?

So, you swine flu can bite my ass. Kill atleast a million people, and then we shall talk.

Current Tragedy

2009-08-05T13:59:00.004-04:00

I have not bought a shoe in over 6 months. Am I short of dough? No. Am I downsizing? No. Have I sworn not to Buy shoes? NO. Do I not have time to go shopping? No. Have I lost the will to shop for shoes? OH GOD NO. Then why have I not bought even one pair in the last 6 months?
BECAUSE THERE IS NOT ONE GOOD PAIR TO FIND IN FUCKING CALCUTTA. EITHER THE STYLE SUCKS AND MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THE WORKMANSHIP IS TOO AWFUL TO BE TRUE.

NOW, I finally know why I have been in such a bad mood! Ah!

Right To Education

2009-08-05T02:51:00.002-04:00

After a long, long time, common sense and building a strong foundation for the future seems to have prevailed on the present UPA Government. It is my opinion that enforcement and undertaking this should be in the hands of the Central Government and placing this responsibility in the hands of the state government is not such a good idea, because really which state has displayed good governance at the state level consistently?
Fittingly, the Calcutta edition of the Times of India thought the price of Cristiano's legs was more important than the Right to Education Bill (See First Page 5 Aug 2009 for those there who like me, like sneering at the TOI). I understand pandering to the LCD, but really, what were you thinking?
If I finally get a voter's identity card and IF my name by some miracle appeared on the electoral rolls, I would vote for Sonia Madamji ki party in the next elections, purely on the basis of this one bill.

My Dream Come True

2009-07-28T14:33:00.003-04:00

I just discovered Polyvore. God! I love it!

1.

Brunch by plumpernickel featuring Coach bags

The oscars? by plumpernickel featuring Christian Louboutin shoes

27072009 - evening out in blue by plumpernickel featuring Anna Sui

Today-Work 27072009 by plumpernickel featuring Lanvin shoes

Regular Calcutta Annoyances

2009-07-24T16:00:00.002-04:00

1. Dear Zaranj, your chef is from Agra. Agra was NEVER Awadh. Never, ever. I ate a lot of lambchops because they were good, but dousing other food with Kewra jal does not make it awadhi. Why am I suddenly craving brahmi sharbat? Does anyone even know what that is? No?
2. Dear original people from Calcutta, does it not bother you that there really is NO cutting edge or even economically viable research happening in Calcutta?
3. Dear Men, what was so stareworthy about me chomping on my food, that you took one whole hour after your meal to sit and stare at me and my galpals wolfing down food? I know, we eat a lot, because really, I dont do drugs or booze and dining out is one of the sole pleasures left in my life. So, next time you stare, I really wish you choke on a bone or something or the waiter spills the tureen of soup over your head.
4. Do the frequent Bandhs and idiot strikes not bother anyone? WHY does no leader from West Bengal actually take a stand about something that is so counterproductive?

Why India Should Not Tax Single People Such as Moi

2009-07-03T04:24:00.003-04:00

Because I will not procreate and add to the burgeoning population and headache of the government in providing UINs, PANs, Ration Cards etc. for more humans.
Because, all the income I earn is mine and mine alone and not disguised under the head of "spouse" and children.
To compensate for the otherwise irritating and humiliating manner in which most GOI servants treat me - Sample - (i) "Mrs. Plumpernickel" - ummm... No, no, MS. Plumpernickel - Strange suspicious head to toe look ensues. (ii) Passport Officer 1 - "Reason for travel?" - "Tourism" - With mouth agape - "Madam, aapni ekdom ekla jachchein? Kichu mone korbein na. Indiae teke kono mahila ekla prayoh jaaye na." I think I need to have a fresh post about this section, because this post is not about this section.
By not having a spouse aka sidekick aka bonded labourer to run sundry errands, I keep multiple families employed - that of my cook, maid, driver-chauffeur, peon, car-cleaner, dhobi ie ironing man, electrician etc.
By not procreating, I do not need to save for the education of a child and thus I have more disposable income to errr... kickstart the recession ridden economy of couture clothes, shoes, publishing industry, art cottage industries, gourmet food, gyms, movie theatres and spas.
Because of my choices, I am reducing the headache of the GOI in maintaining records pertaining to my family that is restricted to one.

If these are not good reasons for a lifelong tax holiday, the GOI is an ass.

That Don't Impress Me Much

2009-06-30T02:21:00.001-04:00

As an aside, I am a tiny blob/ blip/ ant in the universe. Still, according to me, the purpose of the universe is to impress me or else perish. Yes, thats how screwed up I am. Here's another list of things that have been blown out of proportion by people who would bore the living daylights out of me, and I am sure are excited by skyscraper like things:

The space needle, Seattle - I really expected it to be bigger, better, taller.
Starbucks - not the best coffee, no. Also, I will NEVER understand how people actually substitute soymilk in coffee. Its either proper half and half for moi, or none at all. But, that really is another rant.
Dubai - Imagine the most garish place ever, multiply by gadzillion, and you have Dubai.
Any tourist destination in Singapore - Singapore is great, IF you avoid the touristy places. The touristy places give cheesy a new meaning.
Bridge of Sighs, Venice - Ok, Ok, I get it, prisoners crossed it and sighed, and it is beautiful as all of Venice/ Italy, but I found it disappointing. Why? I expected it to be bigger, better, shinier.

I shall be adding to this list. Soon.

WHY NEWSWEEK WHY?

2009-06-29T15:57:00.003-04:00

Is it only me, or is anyone else irritated by Newsweek's changed font? The first line is uppercase is the most annoying change. WHY would anyone want to shout out the first line of every article?

AMAZON - I LOVE YOU

2009-06-23T11:53:00.003-04:00

I would shop for EVERYTHING on Amazon if they delivered everything in India. One can only buy books, music and DVDs in India (They don't deliver anything else), so I stack my shopping cart and when the dollar is down, make the purchases and then wait and wait for them to deliver. They give you impossibly long wait times, but I normally get everything in 15-25 days.

Life has been horrible off late, so when I got my Amazon package today, it made me happy, happy, happy. What could be better? I truly think, I am the world's best gift giver - and this is the first time I've gifted myself something, so now I know for sure. Hang on! What's my housefull of clothes then? Umm... I think its the parcel in the mail that does it. AND I'm listening to Gainsbourg as I plonk out this post. Oh my!

Who Do I Want To Smack The Hardest Today?

2009-06-22T11:44:00.002-04:00

Aparna Sen and other "intellectuals" who just landed in Lalgarh.
When will bong intelligentsia stop making statements of the really stupid kind?

I'm Not Heading To Hell

2009-06-10T12:55:00.003-04:00

I already live there! Atleast it feels like that right now in Kolkata. The heat is killing and I am shuddering at the thought of the electricity bills this month. Them A/cs, they be workin' overtime.

Only One Prayer

2009-06-09T14:55:00.002-04:00

Please God! Don't let Bob Dylan kick the bucket, before I get to see him.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW MY RECIPE, WHY ASK ME?

2009-06-05T14:49:00.004-04:00

Mister! Do you have any answers? NOW?
Parboiling veggies does not make them crunchy and the difference between crunchy and crispy is GOD the OIL. I hate it when people don't follow my instructions and in my kitchen I and ONLY I will cook. I hate it when people dont hold a knife as it should be held, fold the kitchen towel crookedly and I will stab anyone with a cleaver who leaves the lable on the countertop.

Another Boring List Designed To Turn Your Brain Into Oatmeal

2009-06-04T17:12:00.003-04:00

Movies I watched on airplanes this season -
1. The Reader
2. The Holiday
3. The Ramen Girl
4. Easy Virtue
5. The Bride Wars
6. A Japanese movie that I knew I watched but I have no recollection of
7. Night at the museum
8. Ice age
9. Confessions of a shopaholic
10. Underworld
What can I say? My taste in movies sucks, but The ramen Girl can give anyone a BIG craving for ramen. That is all.

Amendment to Last Post

2009-06-04T16:36:00.001-04:00

Older is easy, being patient is not.

A Crore is The New Lakh

2009-06-04T14:48:00.004-04:00

For those who grew up seeing Amrish Kapoor et al as the baddies in Bollywood movies - egad, there are no baddies in movies these days - the evil moneyed person used to be a "lakhpati". These days, medical seats are going for crores. Growing old/er is such a depressing thing.

Things I Want Before I Die

2009-05-29T15:01:00.005-04:00

This post's title's byline should read - I Don't Know Why I Am Posting This.

I love to shop, yet I didn't shop for anything other than tylenol in NY because I didn't have the time! I already have a things to do before I die list (Out of which I have completed one more thing, so its down to 31! Baby steps people! Baby steps!). So I'm posting a "Things I want before I die" list. Also, I will sell-out for atleast 5 of these things, but I'm not telling which. Actually, considering that no one seems to read this blog anymore, I keep asking myself, what is the huge secret, still...

Fine china tableware (a full service dinner set and a tea set with a teapot and the works) - wedgwood or royal doulton. Beautiful table ware makes me go eeeee....
A huge kitchen and when I say huge, I mean HUGE - 1000 sq ft Huge - all my ex-apartments and my very own current darling apartment have tiny kitchens where I can barely store my stuff or move around (however, I have pulled off a 4 course, cooked from scratch - I didn't mill the flour or anything, but I don't use any mixes ever - dinner and lunches for over 8 people, so I know if one really wants to cook, one can) and in my dream house I want a HUGE kitchen and a HUGE pantry.
A black and a neutral trench coat that I can wear all my life and that make me look slim.
A vineyard and an orchard where I want to grow figs, loqats and peaches.
A picasso, a chagall, a subodh gupta, a raza, a warhol, a britto, a hussain and a kingshuk sarkar.
A voter's identity card.
My grandmother's (either - both were very spirited, independent and strong-willed) or father's determination and resolve.
My mother's recipes for making gujiyas and mathris - she grudgingly gave them to me, but I know she's left out something because mine just don't taste the same, when I asked her, she said - the ingredients are not the same quality!
A Bergama and a Milas carpet each - oh the beauty!
Lots and lots of shoes - only italian please, I tried out a million manolos and choos but I know I can't walk in them, on the other hand my coccinelle shoes are darlings. I spent 6.5 hours in them on my feet about 10 days back - 2.5 inch heels - and neither did my feet swell, nor did I get any corns, I was just tired and if thats not a good shoe, I don't know what is.

These are things I really, really want. I don't think I can afford any of the above right now, but planning now sure seems a good idea.

Bad-tempered Reflections of a Foul-Mouthed, Rude Hussy

2009-05-28T01:23:00.002-04:00

Is there anything more irritating than a small-town Indian who has emigrated to the USA? He has realised his wet dream, which only proceeds to bore the living daylights out of yours truly. Can there be anything more boring than middle class american suburbia with its uniform picket fences and backyards? One thing I grant to India, it is never boring. Dirty, dusty, crowded, nosy, annoying, yes - but not boring. What can I say? I'm from a small town originally myself, but at heart, I'm a big town girl.
Also, why does each and every of my friend in California think that doing the napa valley thing is the height of sophistication and they aren't even wine drinkers! Sideways! Die you. And just why would I do the napa valley thing with a bunch of people who (a) do not drink wine (b) proceed to put me off with their bubba acts (c) take zillions of pics and proceed to bore each and every family member and friend for years to come - "look! here is hubby posing with the wine crusher!"
I know, I know, I'm bad-tempered and horrible, but its not my fault, its the fault of the people who've become boring.

Tired But Happy

2009-04-14T04:24:00.003-04:00

Tiredness is seeping from every pore in my body, but I still have so much to do.

My pet peeves remain and I am still miffed with the world. My life hasnt changed, only my suitcases have.

With experience comes wisdom? I used to scoff at people using ipods and laptops while travelling, but after non-stop days on the road, I urgently see the need to carry MY music. Wonderful escape from the snotty brat who keeps kicking my seat EVERY FUCKING MINUTE!!! I truly believe that it was Bono and Franz Ferdinand who prevented the premature death of said snotty brat by throttling from my hands. Sounds shocking, but just try being kicked non-stop from Calcutta to Singapore and you shall feel the same. And I havent even started on the proud parents.

God, I feel so much better now.

What? Are You That Clueless?

2009-01-02T06:09:00.002-05:00

People these days apparently lack the ability to make conversation.
So, the sole point of conversation with me is when I plan to get married. As if! WHY are Indians so uncomfortable around single people? Just because I am single doesn't mean my life is hard, I lack male attention, my luck is bad. Perhaps that is the only thing that people perceive they can commiserate with me about. You know how it is with people? They only want to know your sorrows, not your joys. So, probably, seeing that I have a job, do not have life threatening diseases, this is the only thing it boils down to?

WHY don't people get it? Being alone is pretty blissful. I would rather be alone than be with an idiot who when confronted with a woman can only talk about her marriage plans or how her husband is doing. Bah and DOuble Bah!

Labelled

2008-12-30T13:56:00.005-05:00

Apparently I scare everyone. It was a Viva Voce but it felt as if I was in cowboy boots, stalking the one horse town, twirling a lasso, chewing a twig and giving the sheriff a mean eye.

Back to Basics

2008-12-30T13:13:00.001-05:00

I'm back.

Lethal Bomb In Refridgerator

2008-12-18T13:57:00.002-05:00

I made a lethal chilli sauce with chillies, garlic, vinegar, sugar and salt. Processed it until smooth and have been eating smidgens of it with EVERYTHING - Pizza, sandwiches, Hot fluffy chapattis, salads, cucumber and carrot sticks, popcorn (I know it sounds weird, but mmmm... to me atleast), plain steamed rice, boiled potatoes, noodles, dal, steamed broccoli, lettuce....

It sits innocently in my fridge, but a tiny drop is enough to make your ears tingle and your eyes water endlessly and the smell is so garlicky-vinegary-enticing.

AND it works better than coffee to keep me awake.

I May Be Busy But I Still Get Annoyed A LOT

2008-12-17T01:15:00.003-05:00

This is my latest list of things that have annoyed me very, very much:

People calling in unwell, when they have actually been going shopping or attending PTA meetings. Why one would need to lie for the former is beyond me, but still.
Lazy people.
Everyone in Calcutta, being annoyed by 16 million people is a bit much, but the truth is I am just annoyed by the mere existence of people in this city.
Career Housewives, especially the ones in my clubs.
Bad English.
Grammatical errors in official letters and documents.
People showing off marriage albums and boring the shit out of the album showees, especially since this is their 3rd marriage. And, a person married 3 times should hardly be the advocate of the sanctity and wholesomeness of marriage, no?
Me getting fat.
Me looking like a fat slob.
Me looking like a fat, ugly slob.
People unable to make a single sensible organised plan.
Professionals who have qualified at capitation fee colleges like Manipal. I publicly say that I am afraid of a doctor who has studied at Manipal. Shouldn't you be too? This is my body, teeth, eyes. I am a little afraid entrusting it to papa's spoilt girl or boy.
Women who publicly claim that any solid labour is boring, especially solid labour that I am doing.
Shop attendants. In a way, I am hoping that department stores will fire some of their idiot floor workers, but it doesnt seem to be happening in Calcutta.
Young Indian politicians - refer to point 12. Are we happy entrusting our country to papa's spoilt girl or boy?
Social Workers.
Missing out the Shanghai Tang trunk show because of work. Huge tears ensued.
Barkha Dutt and her heart.
Barkha Dutt barging into Taj or was it Trident and being pushed out by security. I think that was the lowest point of media intrusion. Why can't the Indian media be dignified and respect privacy and let people do their damn jobs? Why should every news event be sensationalised to the point of triviality? How do you expect a person who has lost a loved one to respond to - "aapko kaisa lag raha hai ki aapke relative ko terrorists ne maar daala?" (How do you feel at your relative being killed by terrorists?) I am hundred percent sure most tv anchorwomen have got their jobs by being related to someone who knows the Network head honcho and so now we have our news delivered too by papa's spoilt girl or boy. Jeez!
Mid-December having September temperatures.

OHMYGOD

2008-11-29T05:48:00.002-05:00

Extremely depressed with the Bombay terrorist attacks. With associates and colleagues stranded inside both the hotels, the past few days have been horrifying and horrible.

I really have nothing left to say now.

Irony In My Life Never Misses A Beat

2008-11-17T16:25:00.003-05:00

1. When I am finally prepared, my exams are deferred.
2. I am trying to go on a strict diet and the latest refridgerator purge spews a pack of parma ham and 200 gms of the yummiest dark bitter chocolate that I got from Berlin and had shoved into the fridge and forgotten.
3. When I outgrow a city, the city grows on me.

How Sad

2008-10-14T15:10:00.001-04:00

I don't feel like writing much these days.

Reverse Racism

2008-09-14T19:24:00.003-04:00

This is not a PC blog. That said, I can rant now.

I am afraid travelling will turn me into a reverse racist. You decide:

1. American lady (white) during a polite black tie dinner asks me slowly and loudly, "Are you familiar with all these songs?" You may think I am over reacting, but I am not. The reasons being that for the past 2 hours, I was conversing with her husband in what I presume was fluent English. This is a lady who is obviously well-educated, wealthy and a democrat (declared earlier on). The music was classic rock. Maybe the wine was heady?
2. I asked for a meal that was in short supply, as did the gentleman beside me. I asked first and a meal was placed in front of me. Then, when my neighbour wanted that too, and it was presumably over, the hostess picks it up from my tray, plonks it in front of my neighbour and places a yucky vegetarian meal in front of me, saying, "I'm sure you will like this better." I don't think my refusal to eat or drink anything during the 8 hour flight perturbed her much.
3. I'm sick to the gills of people pointing to the steak or pork chops on my plate and asking, "Are you allowed to eat that?" Firstly, I hate anyone pointing to my food, secondly, does globalisation mean anything to people, at all? Also, all brown people are not muslims.
4. Can people in other countries spell at all? My name is possibly the simplest one and pronounced just the way it is written, but the amount of variations I have heard is not funny. Do Americans realise how dumb it is not to know how to spell or count? I actually had a cashier use a calculator to figure out the change for a $5.00 bill I gave for something that cost $4.75. I tried this with cashiers at my local Indian supermarket today. Nobody used calculators for calculating the change for sums far complex than that.
5. I enjoy watching hollywood movies more than Indian movies, however American television sucks. The news is plain dumb and misinformed, the entertainment channels cheap and stupid and the advertisements just puke inducing. I used to look down on Indian TV, but no longer. I can't understand this dichotomy.

Not To The Moon And Back

2008-09-14T18:06:00.004-04:00

Admitting faults comes easier when one gets older. Still does it take away anything?

Living on a principle and a commitment has never been harder, but I don't intend to quit right now.

A Million Ideas When I'm Jetlagged

2008-09-14T17:50:00.003-04:00

I can't sleep, which accounts for posting at this odd hour. 2 Continents and 3 Countries in the last week have seriously screwed up my body clock.

I return to find, I've turned a year older. Oh yes! I did notice it during my meetings, but these days it is convenient to forget such unhappy occassions. So now, I am as old as the sometime bf when we met first. Almost a decade has passed and also half a decade. I still don't feel as old as I should feel. What will it be like at 40, I wonder....

Sometimes, not getting birthday presents is good, because one finds hidden gifts which are far better. But, lets not get melodramatic now. Jetlag and nostalgia should NOT mix, even though the music's making me weep.

Right now, I have solutions for eliminating India's poverty, landing a person on mars, gaining the maximum mileage out of the sensex that has hit rock bottom, solutions to romantic heartaches (mine), a new recipe for coq au vin and I wish I was jet lagged more often.

Reasons Why I Love My Job - The Omnivore's 100

2008-08-23T16:04:00.006-04:00

I read this on cooksister, and I knew I just HAD to do this. Some guy (sorry, I have not been blogging regularly) has made a list that every omnivore should eat. I love lists and I love to eat. The bold items on the list are what I have eaten (burp!) and the struck out one's are the things I will never try. So --- here's what I have eaten...
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi - Eat practically every week (heh)
15. Hot dog from a street cart - Noo York, Noo York
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes - My uncle's wine from roses and plums
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras - I don't care what the food police says, FG is ambrosia
24. Rice and beans
25. ~~Brawn, or head cheese~~
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters - My 2nd fav food after FG
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas - YUM! YUM! Tong's Garden - Life would be so incomplete without you
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi - every week (Yay India)
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - Does doing the two separately count? IMHO, yes....
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat - every week (Yay India)
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal - I'm convinced this is another fake indian curry like chicken tikka masala
44. Goat’s milk - at my grandparents and something I'm not doing again
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more - Thank you job!
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini - Thank you job!
58. Beer above 8% ABV - Thank you job!
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst - One of the best things (foodwise) about TJermany
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini - Thank you job!
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. ~~Roadkill~~
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini - Thank you job!
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare - I was v surprised at liking this, eating cute things is normally where I draw the line
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee
100. Snake

79 out of 100. Not bad. Though nothing will make me eat brains and roadkill is not really my style.